


The Time Traveling Pilot

by AndreaLyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 19:57:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6253873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndreaLyn/pseuds/AndreaLyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“You can travel, Poe. You can fly through the galaxy back and forth through time. That’s our talent, sweetheart. We navigate the skies and timelines.”</i>
</p>
<p>When Poe crashes on Jakku, it's both the beginning and the end of his life with Finn, but he intends to make it a good one, seeing as he's been in love with the man for over a decade -- now it's just a matter of Finn catching up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Time Traveling Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [icouldprobablyknitthat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/icouldprobablyknitthat) for the beta. To all those about to read, I hope you enjoy!

Poe Dameron dies on Jakku.

He’s fifty-one years old and the love of his life has just rescued him. It figures that on the precipice of happiness, everything goes up in flames. 

It’s a good thing that when Poe had been fourteen, then sixteen, then again and again and again, he’d gone forward enough times to understand exactly who he needed to look for. It doesn’t make it any easier knowing that it’ll be all right for some version of him; this being the end is still harder than he’d ever anticipated, despite knowing this day has been coming. _Be good to him_ , he thinks at the version of himself who’s about to meet Finn for the first time in their linear timelines.

_Have a good life together_ , he thinks as the sand begins to eat him up. He already knows how it’ll go, but he feels like he has to pass along the good thoughts all the same.

With the sand pits swallowing him whole, Poe has time for one last thought.

_I love you with all my heart, Finn_.

* * *

He travels for the first time when he’s six years old.

One minute, he’s sitting with his mother in the cockpit of the ship and the next, he’s wearing nothing at all and standing in the living room of their house on Yavin 4, with his grandfather staring at him with sympathy and a set of clothes for him. “I’ve been waiting for you,” his grandfather says. That day, his grandfather clothes him and feeds him tea and cookies while soothing his worries. 

He’s there for all of twenty minutes before he returns to his mother’s A-Wing, frightened and shaking. Shara drapes a blanket over his shoulders and hugs him tight to her chest. “I worried so much,” she breathes out. “You didn’t travel for so long and we thought maybe you wouldn’t inherit it from me, but you did.”

She cups his cheeks as she leans over him, smiling fondly. “Mama, what happened?”

“You can travel, Poe. You can fly through the galaxy back and forth through time. That’s our talent, sweetheart. We navigate the skies and timelines.”

For a child, it sounds like an adventure. Poe doesn’t visit the past or future too frequently, but the times he does travel are exciting bursts of promise and daring. He goes back in time and sees his mother when she’s younger and flying for the Rebellion. He goes forward and watches the fractured pain on his father’s face hide secrets from him. 

He thinks it’s an amazing gift and he’s eager to see what it can give to him, to see what he can do with it.

Those lofty dreams come crashing to a halt when Poe is eight years old and Shara Bey goes visiting somewhere and never comes back. That’s the day Poe starts to understand that this adventure is a dangerous one that can hurt him – it might possibly even kill him.

* * *

Poe Dameron is fourteen years old when he first meets Finn.

Naked, scared, and on a strange green planet he doesn’t recognize, he’s freezing his ass off as he tries to find some kind of warmth. He stumbles towards a small home that’s got an X-Wing looming in the back of the house. The place looks like a cozy cabin that you might find on the outer reaches of Yavin 4’s smaller towns. 

He shivers as he walks towards the place, standing on the doorstop and knocking hesitantly. He’s not even sure how he’s going to talk his way out of this one, but has the feeling if he can’t, he’s going to freeze to death before his jump home.

The man who answers the door is at least twice his age, with dark skin and a strong jaw. He stands tall and holds his strong body with a relaxed air, but Poe doesn’t doubt that he could easily take Poe if he had to. What really stands out, though, is the stranger’s kind eyes, along with the amazed look on his face as he stares at Poe like he’s bringing gifts instead of just his naked self. 

“H-hi,” he gets out, through chattered teeth. “Can I come in?”

The man is quick to step back and gesture inside. Poe doesn’t even think about how rude it must look when he darts in, heading straight for the fire that’s been roaring (and ignoring the two plates with food half-eaten on them). While he’s wandered into a stranger’s home, he somehow feels as comfortable as he did when he’d jumped to his grandfather that very first time. The man is half-frantic as he hurries to the couch, grabbing a thick blanket and throwing it over Poe’s shoulders, staring at him in disbelief. “I didn’t think it would be this short a hop for you,” the man says. “You didn’t mention you could deliberately age yourself down.”

“What?” Poe asks, furiously confused, until he realizes that even though this man knows him, their timelines aren’t matching up.

When he gets home, he’s starting a flowchart. 

The man stares at him with confusion, leaning in to poke at Poe’s cheek as if to check that he’s real, his gaze sliding down over his blanket-covered body. “You don’t know who I am?”

“I know you shouldn’t be poking me like that!” Poe snaps back defensively, drawing the blanket tighter around himself. “Who the kriff are you?”

“Finn,” the man says, stunned. “This is the first time. I’m ruining the first time,” he goes on, the light in his eyes slowly dwindling. “Sorry, let’s go back. I’m Finn,” he says. “This is my home that I share with my husband.” Poe stares around the house warily, not sure he’s ready to deal with two strangers right now. “Don’t worry. He’s not here right now.” Finn stares at him and steps closer, studying Poe in a way that makes Poe stand up stubbornly straight, refusing to back down under the scrutiny.

“So who are you?”

Finn cocks his head to the side. “You know better than to ask me that.”

“I do?”

“Kriff, maybe not,” Finn realizes. “Okay, we’re gonna need to lay down some ground rules. You’re not supposed to know too much about the future, so all I know is that I’m allowed to tell you that I’m Resistance, my name is Finn, and you’re safe here. I know you in the future. And, I’m sorry, but I think that’s about all I’m allowed to say.”

Poe will be the judge of whether he’s safe, but there’s nothing that seems to pose immediate danger to him when he looks around the cabin – apart from this really awkward conversation.

“Why can’t you tell me more?”

“Because I will. Or I did,” Finn says, frowning. “Even though you’ve explained this to me a dozen times, the tenses always mess me up. How old are you?”

“If you’re not allowed to tell me anything, why should I tell you?” Poe retorts, bristling with teenage stubbornness and the ridiculous desire to hold out.

Finn cocks a brow up. “Seriously? Okay, well, now I know you’re a teenager,” he huffs. “Fine. I’ll give you one piece of information for your age.”

Poe’s pretty sure Finn shouldn’t be breaking the rules like that, but he’s going to run with it. He needs to think carefully about what it is he wants to know, but something Finn had said won’t leave him alone and it seems like a no-brainer about what information he’s going to go after. “I’m fourteen,” he says. “What’s the Resistance fighting against?” He needs to know, because he’d thought his parents had seen that threat to its final end.

Imagining that all their work had been for nothing actually scares Poe a little.

“Trust you to pick something I don’t think I can tell you,” Finn says, shaking his head. “We’re protecting the galaxy against people who don’t agree with us.”

“So, you’re resisting,” Poe drawls, smirking at Finn.

“I am so glad I didn’t know you at this age,” Finn says. “It would’ve made the whole…”

Finn doesn’t manage to get the words out, because just as he’s saying something about ‘dating’ (maybe? He could be saying ‘daring’ or ‘dashing’ or something else), Poe travels back to Yavin 4, where his father is waiting for him with a box in his hands and a pair of Poe’s clothes.

Poe changes, his eyes still on the wooden box warily. “What is that?”

“You’ve started to travel more,” his father explains, slowly opening the lid to reveal a small tattoo kit inside. “This is how your mother kept track,” he says. “Every time she returned to me, she would have me mark the event on a timeline tattoo on her back,” he says. “It helped her to keep things in order. I know she would want you to have this.”

“It’s hers?” Poe asks tenderly, hands framing the box reverently. His mind is still humming around meeting his first stranger during a jump, but he’s anchored quickly by this gift. He lifts up the stencils and the strange charcoal ink, thinking that he’ll want to be able to see it better. He’s already decided that he’s going to have one, just like his mother, because he’s his mother’s son in as many ways as he can manage. “Will you help me draw the timeline?” he asks his father, mind racing. “Here,” he says, sliding his index finger along his bicep and over his elbow, down to his forearm. “I want it here.”

“Of course,” his father assures, assembling the kit. “Where did you go, this time?”

“I don’t know,” Poe replies, “but it felt important.”

Later, Poe will realize that he’d traveled to his anchor for the very first time – and he’s grateful when he realizes it’s far from the last.

* * *

When Poe is sixteen, he finds his way back to Finn’s house again. This time, he’s armed to the teeth with questions. What surprises him, though, is that he finds a pair of clothes waiting for him on the porch. It’s summer, this visit, and he drags on the slightly too big clothes that muss up his hair before he knocks on the door.

“Poe says he’s sorry he missed the first visit but it got blurred on his timeline somehow,” is the first thing Finn says. “Sorry. Future-Poe,” he clarifies. “He promises there’ll be clothes from now on.”

“Where is he? Where am I?” Poe latches onto that, because it’s one of his questions. “What do I do in the Resistance? What is this place?”

“I told you, it’s my home,” Finn replies. “And the Resistance base is close enough that when we’re needed for missions, it’s a short hop. Right now, you’re needed for a mission.”

“How old are you?” Poe asks next, a pleading look in his eye. “I’m sixteen.”

“Knowing this won’t break the timeline?” Finn asks warily.

“Promise to keep it off my arm,” Poe swears, holding up two fingers in the air like he’s swearing away his loyalty and life. “C’mon,” he prods and pleads, stepping in closer to Finn’s personal space because while it’s been two years since he’s last seen this man, Poe’s done a lot of maturing (both physically and mentally) and Finn’s been a feature of a lot of his dreams, right down to the part where Poe spends most of his free time trying to imagine what Finn would look like, fully naked.

It’s been these dreams that have led Poe to realize that he’s probably never going to date Lucy Aurores from next door, seeing as her brother looks far more attractive to him.

He tries to get a hand on Finn’s shoulder, but the man eases awkwardly back. 

Poe’s doing his best not to feel rejected, but it’s kind of difficult when the object of your affections is looking at you like a single touch between them might set the universe on fire. “I’m twenty-eight,” Finn finally says.

Okay, so it’s definitely a little older than Poe had expected, but the good thing about time travel is that it doesn’t mean Finn’s always going to be that much older than Poe. He’s good at being optimistic, like that. 

“You’re probably starving,” Finn says. “You’re always hungry when you jump. C’mon,” he invites Poe in with a nod of his head, “I just learned how to make bread the way they do on Yavin. You can tell me whether I need more lessons.”

It turns out that Finn’s _terrible_ at it, but it makes Poe feel like he hasn’t even left home. He doesn’t mention the fact that there shouldn’t be grainy pieces that taste like stone in it, and he doesn’t point out that the bread shouldn’t take that kind of yellowish hue, but only because he loves the way Finn smiles with such eager hope as Poe bites into the bread.

The questions can wait until later. 

Right now, all Poe can think about is how to earn that smile again.

* * *

At eighteen, Poe can’t go more than a few hours before his thoughts gravitate back to Finn.

He’s dated around and had his share of kisses, but he never stops travelling forward to meet Finn, sometimes in that comfortable house and sometimes on a strange base where Finn keeps him locked away so no one can see him. Every time he visits, his older self isn’t there. Finn says he’s out on some mission and Poe’s heart soars to think he’s out there in the galaxy, fighting the good fight, just like his mother. Still, no matter how many times he goes on dates and no matter how many kisses he’s had, none of them feel right.

The next time he shows up at that cabin, he expresses this worry to Finn after he’s been clothed and fed. Poe’s getting better at placing Finn’s age and right now, the man looks like he’s in his early thirties.

“I think I’ve got kissing wrong,” Poe complains. He’s in his prime and should be enjoying himself, but instead he keeps kissing people and coming up empty. “Have you ever had a kiss that just took you breath away? Made it so the world spun and you couldn’t think straight?”

“I’ve had a few,” Finn agrees, hiding his smile behind a hand. Poe wants to know who they’ve been with, but Finn’s never told Poe who this husband of his is. He’s always so frustratingly terse about the future, only letting on that they’re good friends. He always cites those _rules_ of his and Poe’s always been a little bit of a rebel, eager to break them.

“Could you show me?”

“Poe, I shouldn’t…”

“Your husband doesn’t have to know,” Poe rushes, trying to wheedle his way into getting what he wants. Usually, he’s pretty good at that, what with his ability to use charm and his looks.

Finn snorts. “Trust me, he’ll know,” he mutters under his breath. 

“Please, Finn? Just once,” Poe begs. 

“If we do this, you cannot tell anyone,” Finn insists. “Seriously, you’re barely eighteen, I really don’t want some weird time-cops showing up at my door to haul me off for underage corruption.”

“I really don’t think that exists.”

“Yeah, well,” Finn mutters, “you keep surprising me.”

He hasn’t said _no_. There’s been a lot of ‘shouldn’ts’ and a lot of wariness, but Finn hasn’t actively said no, so Poe’s pretty sure that he’s going to get what he wants. His heart starts beating hard in his chest, causing a near-physical ache with the heaviness of it. He takes advantage of Finn’s indecision to step closer to him.

“I won’t tell a soul,” Poe vows. “On my life, I swear.”

Finn lets out a rueful laugh. “You always did say that the first kiss that ever mattered to you would be with the last person you’d ever kiss again.”

Poe frowns, the riddle too much for his over-eager mind when he’s latched onto the idea of kissing Finn. His gaze slides down to his lips and how wet and full they are, how much Poe wants to taste him. He takes that last step closer, ignoring the worries about stealing from someone else before giving in to what he wants, wrapping a hand around Finn’s neck in order to kiss him as hard as he can, surging up on his toes to make this one really count just in case it’s the only one he gets.

Finn grabs hold of his hips and hauls him in, kissing him back like no one’s ever managed before. By the time it’s over (without any tongues, which is disappointing, but gives Poe something to work up to), he realizes that he’s been right all along.

Kissing is all wrong unless it’s kissing Finn.

It’s like everything slots into place all of a sudden. 

Whatever husband Finn has? Poe plans on giving him a run for his money to make sure he really deserves someone as incredible as Finn. 

“Okay,” Finn gets out, sounding pretty rough and affected himself. “That was it. That was your _one_ kiss.”

He’s lying, thinks Poe with glee. It means that he’s got a chance, even if it’s only a small one.

* * *

Looking back, Poe understands the significance of this visit, but at the time, it hadn’t been totally clear to him. At twenty, he’s back to the cabin, knocking on the door. Finn opens it looking much more different than ever before. He has whites in his hair and wrinkles on his face. The very minute he catches sight of Poe, he suddenly looks as if he’s seen a ghost.

That should’ve been a pretty good hint about his future.

“Poe,” Finn breathes out, naming him like he hadn’t expected to see him again. 

“Hey, Finn,” Poe greets warmly, standing there proudly in the nude while he searches for where a pile of clothes might be hiding. “There weren’t any clothes outside. Can you…?”

“Right, of course. Right,” Finn says, disappearing into the bedroom for a few minutes. He closes the door behind him and returns with clothes that look frayed and old, with small pieces of dust on them. Something uneasy sits in Poe’s belly, but he’s learned a long time ago that if you jump and something doesn’t look right, fixating is only going to lead you down a bad path.

Finn doesn’t take his eyes off of Poe for a second, which is kind of flattering and all, but he’s starting to get a little creeped out.

“How old are you?” Finn asks.

“Twenty,” is Poe’s response, his smile fond as he stares at the white at Finn’s temples, reaching up to touch them gently, rubbing his thumb over the soft hairs. Finn gives a small noise of joy at Poe’s audacious intimacy and Poe finds he’s not ready to let go. “You look good, old man,” he teases.

“I’d tell you to shut up, but you’re speaking truth,” Finn replies, sounding raw despite his confidence. “Come sit down. Just sit down with me, Poe.”

Poe knows he should take advantage of this opportunity and ask more questions, but he finds that the raw and pained way that Finn’s staring at Poe means they’re probably not about to have a discussion about the future. The awkwardness that sits rife between them only grows when neither of them speak, but Poe’s got a good sense of what people need.

Right now, he can tell that all Finn needs to do is look at him.

“I’m right here,” Poe promises, reaching over to take Finn’s hand and squeeze tight. “I’m real. I promise.”

“Yeah,” Finn agrees, voice rough and hoarse. There are tears shining in his eyes and Poe tries _so hard_ to ignore what all of this means. “Yeah, here you are. Poe Dameron. I should’ve known you were full of surprises.”

“That’s me,” Poe agrees, keeping the worry out of his voice. “Poe Dameron.”

The question of _for how long?_ has taken root in his mind. Hopefully, with some luck, Poe will keep it from festering.

* * *

When Poe is twenty-one and just off a bad breakup, he ends up travelling to somewhere he’s never seen before, but Finn’s there like he always is. He’s starting to get fed up with this idea that Finn is somehow his anchor, but he always belongs to someone _else_. Poe hides himself away and finds an orange flight suit that sits too big on him, but protects his decency as he roams this strange base in Finn’s shadow, watching him like a hawk.

Every time he’s jumped, Finn’s had this chain around his neck, but this time, it’s missing. The chain holds a key to an X-wing. He’s seen it so many times before, but never realized the significance until it’s not here.

Whoever Finn belongs to doesn’t have him just yet.

“Finn!” Poe calls out, charging after him to try and tear him away from the girl he’s talking to in these dank tunnels. The girl stares at him, surprised, her mouth forming an ‘oh’. “Can we talk?” he asks, voice brimming with tension.

“How on earth…”

“We’ll talk later, Rey,” Finn says, shooting Poe a glare. He grabs Poe by the collar and shoves him into an empty room. “What the hell? How old are you?”

Poe yanks down the collar of his shirt and shows Finn the timeline tattoo on his arm, the most important dates marked. Finn traces it with his thumb reverently in a way that makes Poe dizzy. When Finn arrives at the current date, he stops and stares. “Oh, _Poe_ ,” he sighs, staring at him fondly. “You’re still so young.”

“Stop saying that,” Poe snaps. “I’m twenty-one. I’ve gotten very good about knowing how old you are and you can’t be much older than me right now, barely by a few years.”

“You told me about your situation two weeks ago,” Finn says. “So yeah, I’m just a little older than you.” He shakes his head, stepping back like he wants to marvel at the situation properly. “You’re so young,” he says again, but this time there’s a reverent way to how he says it. 

“I’m not young,” Poe snaps back, brittle and aching from his breakup. He wonders if this jump is meant to remind him that his affections still lie with Finn more than anyone he might ever meet back home. “I’m old enough to know what I really want,” he says and for the first time, he genuinely realizes that’s true. 

He wants Finn. He wants Finn more than he’s ever wanted anything, apart from the constant driving desire to fly like his mother. Right now, Finn doesn’t belong to anyone and Poe is so desperate to have a chance that his hands are clutching Finn’s brown leather jacket to haul himself in closer, feeling on edge and desperate.

“Poe,” Finn exhales, a wide-eyed look on his face, like he doesn’t believe what’s happening.

“I want you,” Poe says. “Finn, I dream about you all the time. I dated someone who looked just like you, but he was missing all the parts that make you so amazing. He didn’t smile at me when I ate his bread or rest a hand on my shoulder or _kiss_ like you do.”

“We’ve kissed?” Finn ekes out.

_Kriff_ , thinks Poe. _Timelines_.

This time, he thinks maybe he can take advantage of it. “We have,” he coaxes. “So let’s do it again.” And again and again, thinks Poe, but better to start with just the one. “You want me, right?”

Finn seems to have lost all his words, but Poe’s happy to fill the void with something else instead. He leans forward and kisses Finn in the ensuing silence, amazed at how hungry this kiss is on Finn’s side. He cups Poe’s face, staggering back until they both hit the wall and that’s when Finn deepens the kiss, eliciting a happy moan from the depths of Poe’s throat.

He eases back, but only so he can kiss a slow path down Finn’s neck, shoving aside his jacket’s collar to get at more of him.

“Poe,” Finn gasps out, “Poe, we shouldn’t do this. We shouldn’t…damn it, Poe, why are you making this so difficult. I can’t do this with you.”

“What?” Poe asks, rocking his hips up against Finn’s clear interest. “Yes, we can. We’re doing it right now.”

“We can’t do this because I want to do this with _you_!” Finn spits out in a rush, like if he doesn’t get the words out all at once, he never will. “You’re twenty-one right now, but when you’re thirty-two, we meet. I mean, we meet and things are going pretty badly, but you’re here with me and I’ve known you for a few months now and you’ve made it really clear that you want me. Thing is, I want you, Poe,” he promises. “I just want _you_ and I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you that I want you, even with all this time traveling and whatever other weirdness I can expect.”

Thirty-two is a long way away, especially when he knows that Finn wants him. How the hell is he supposed to wait eleven _years_ before he gets to have this? 

“Okay. I’ll stop on one condition,” Poe finally says.

“What’s that?”

“The minute you see me, the me from your time, you need to kiss him like that,” Poe insists. “I promise that I’m never going anywhere after a kiss like that.”

“Yeah,” Finn agrees with that bright smile that Poe dreams about at night, “I think I can manage that.”

When he gets home, he goes to town and buys a leather jacket just like the one Finn had been wearing because it reminds him of Finn and when he wears it, it’s like he’s back with the man. Poe never takes it off for a second and his team knows when he’s around when the flash of brown leather pops up just around the corner.

Eleven years. He can make it eleven years, right?

It’s not like he has another choice.

* * *

From the ages of twenty-one to twenty-four, Poe’s visits are constant. He visits Finn in the cabin and their visits together are progressively linear for the most part. He’s not sure whether he’s accomplishing it through sheer will or if it’s luck.

One jump, though, there’s conversation coming from inside the cabin and it doesn’t sound like Finn is talking to himself.

“How do you get them so greasy?” Finn’s asking someone in an orange flight suit.

“If you have a better idea about how I should hide clothes for myself when I travel, I’d love to hear it.”

“You have a droid named BB-8 with all these magical compartments.”

“Have you seen BB-8? He’d barely be able to hold a thong for me.”

“I’m not hearing the bad idea here.”

Poe wanders up to the window, plastering his face against the pane to watch with wonder as his older self (hair streaked with greys) sets the table for dinner while Finn goes through a pile of dirty clothes. Mouth open, his heart beats with excitement, and though he knows he shouldn’t interrupt, visiting the future while his eventual-self is there is such a rarity that he doesn’t want to lose out on it.

He licks his thumb to try and corral a stray cowlick before standing on the doorstep – clad in one of the stowed away flight suits, so it’s not like their clothing plans don’t work – and knocking eagerly.

One thing Poe’s never done before is meet an older version of himself, but the man who opens the door is undoubtedly _him_ and he’s staring at Poe with a wry look on his face, which means he probably remembers this visit.

Finn absently wanders into the hallway, passing them in the doorway. “Who is it?” he asks, glancing up for the briefest of seconds before continuing on.

Then something heavy drops to the floor, Finn reverses, and looks up again. 

“Poe,” Finn says very slowly.

“Yes?” he and his older self reply at the same time.

“Did you pick up Valerian Root Wine from the Outer Rim again?”

“No,” says his older self, clearly amused even though he’s not taking his eyes off Poe. 

“So you’re standing inside our house, but you’re also standing outside it. And with that head of hair, you can’t be more than twenty-six.” Finn doesn’t seem to know where to look. Poe’s twenty-five now and he’s been counting down the years until he gets to meet Finn properly. Seven years is better than eleven, but it’s still too long as far as he’s concerned. 

The look in Finn’s eye is making this harder, especially since he looks so, so very eager.

“No,” is all his older self says.

“What? I didn’t say anything!” Finn protests.

“I know you well enough to know what you’re thinking. I don’t care if I’m legal, I don’t care if this is one of your birthday wishes, I am _not_ enough of a narcissist to do that.”

Distantly, he hears beeping from BB-8 and Poe hides his grin behind his hand, aware that while he’s not about to say so out loud, he’s pretty much aligned with his future self. He wants Finn, sure, but he doesn’t want to strip down and find out what it’s like to fuck yourself.

“C’mon in,” his older self invites and steps aside to give Poe some room to come in. “We might not be able to give Finn exactly what he wants, but I don’t think it’s necessarily an awful thing if you ate the dessert he just made while I rub his shoulders. Call it a tame birthday gift,” he offers, sharing a fond smile with Finn.

That key is back, the key to an X-Wing that Finn wears around his neck, and Poe is starting to understand exactly what it means.

He settles in with them and enjoys Finn’s chocolate-raspberry torte, taking great pains to make a mess so he has to carefully lick off stray bits from his fingers in order to give Finn a bit of a show, feeling content and more settled than he’s been in ages.

Because now Poe knows – if he doesn’t kriff this all up, he’s going to get Finn and not just for a kiss or two, but he’s going to _be_ that husband always hiding just out of sight. It just means doing things right and Poe, more ambitious and hard-working than anyone he knows, is up for the challenge.

“Stay safe, kid,” his older self says, when Poe excuses himself to take a walk and give the older couple their privacy.

“I’m not a kid.”

“Trust me. Until you live through the things coming up, you’re as innocent as they come. Keep your chin up, keep working, and remember. Thirty-two.”

_Thirty-two_ is when he gets Finn for the first time and they can actually start learning about each other properly. He knows he can make it, because he knows what’s waiting for him and all the patience is going to pay off with the sweetest reward.

* * *

Poe’s been thirty-two for six moon cycles now and he’s growing impatient.

Things have been strange around the base lately, too. All he knows is that General Organa’s mission for him goes up in flames when someone else takes over (and by the looks the General shoots Poe during this meeting, he has a funny suspicion that he wound up getting the mission after all but she refuses to confirm or deny), but now BB-8 is lost somewhere on Jakku and Poe can’t sit there anymore.

“Let me go after him,” he pleads. “Let me go after myself.”

“He was adamant you don’t do that,” Leia responds wryly. “He promises that BB-8 will be returned safely and you just need to be patient.”

Poe’s _terrible_ at patient, so he’s glad when the call comes in that BB-8’s been sighted and they can go pick him up. He’s so anxious that he takes a few more risks in the air than normal, taking out targets he wouldn’t have tried for any other day. The nervous energy doesn’t dissipate until he’s back on the tarmac and he hears a familiar beeping nearby. 

He’s fairly sure he’s never felt so relieved in his life than when he sees BB-8 making a beeline towards him.

BB-8 chatters on about Jakku and a mission and _Poe_ being there, but BB-8 knows about his travelling enough to call him ‘Future-Poe’ and leave out the exact age so Poe doesn’t start planning his life. Then BB-8 says _Finn_ and Poe’s hearing goes tinny as he straightens up and stares across the tarmac.

This is it. This is the moment.

Poe doesn’t hesitate as he runs across the tarmac, running right into Finn’s arms and holding onto him, only long enough to ease back and stare at Finn in _his_ jacket. “Poe Dameron. I thought you died…”

_Oh_. 

Poe has to think fast and process this later because he doesn’t want to ruin his first meeting with Finn. He knows enough about what happened from BB-8 to fabricate the story. “I was thrown clear of the wreckage and when I woke up it was dark. No ship, no you,” he rambles, “BB-8 says you completed my mission, Finn, I…”

He trails off, staring at Finn and sliding his hand over his shoulder.

“You’re wearing my jacket.”

It’s the same jacket Poe had bought in the shops because of the way it’d felt under his fingers when he’d kissed Finn. It’s the jacket Poe wears because it reminds him of Finn. He makes a mental note to hide it in the back of his closet because now it belongs to Finn, on rightful shoulders.

“No, no, keep it,” Poe hurries to say when Finn looks like he’s about to take it off. Suddenly, it’s the most important thing in the universe that Finn keeps this jacket. Here he is, standing and staring at the one grounding point in his life and all he can do is gape. Poe licks his lower lip, biting down on it, and claps Finn’s shoulder. “It suits you,” he says, amazed that he’s meeting Finn for the first time.

He’ll process the other news later. Right now, Finn has a request of him and Poe plans on doing anything he can to help this man.

They have to save Rey.

For Finn, Poe will do anything. It’s the start of their timeline together and Poe’s already beyond sure that he’d disassemble a galaxy’s worth of stars if Finn asked him nicely enough.

* * *

“You look so familiar,” Finn says at one point, and that’s when Poe knows he has to explain himself. They’re in medical and Finn is still confined to the bed while the droids work on twining mechanical parts into his spine to give him back full functionality after Kylo Ren’s attack. “I swear I’ve seen you before Jakku.”

“You probably have,” Poe confesses. 

Poe doesn’t even consider lying about his condition. There are three living people in the world who know about his talents – his father, General Organa, and Jess because of that time he jumped while in flight and his X-Wing went down. 

Finn’s now number four on the list.

“I don’t understand,” Finn says, shaking his head. “Were you a trooper? Did they take you from your parents?”

“When you were still a teenager, they took you to a shooting range. There were a hundred of you, on this isolated range on a classified planet in a secret system,” Poe says, sliding his thumb up and down Finn’s hand as he speaks. “I was seventeen and I guess I looked like I fit in, once I’d stolen some clothes.”

“Why did you have to steal clothes?”

“Because when I jump, I always end up naked,” Poe admits. “I can never predict how long I’m going to be gone. Sometimes it’s minutes. I’ve been gone a week, before. I can travel through time, backwards and forwards. It’s like I have my own hyperdrive,” he explains with an open palm splayed out over his heart. “And when I was seventeen, I visited you and it was the first time you met _me_. I don’t think we exchanged more than a few words.”

Finn’s staring at him the way Jess did when he’d first told her – disbelieving and not entirely convinced.

“Do it, then,” Finn prods.

“It’s not something I can control.”

“How many times have you visited me?” 

Poe does keep a journal of the visits not important enough to make it onto the tattooed timeline. The pages have started to fray, but he makes a devoted work of it because his mother had done the same. When he’d been a child, he’d taken great joy in learning about his mother’s visits through time – the Rebellion had been her anchor and she’d been pulled to important battles and moments – and he’d wanted to do everything she did.

Beyond that, there’s the tattoo. He’s taken to marking each visit with Finn with a small heart, dotting the span of his arm. He’s not sure what to do about the fact that he knows he won’t need that much more room because Finn’s accidentally told him when his life is going to be over with nothing more than the grief on his face.

He could go through the pages and track every last visit with Finn, but the point is this:

“Too many to remember off hand,” he says, reaching down to take Finn’s hand in his. “My mother always said that you chose an anchor. I met you for the first time when I was fourteen,” he shares. “And I shouldn’t be telling you this because it hasn’t happened yet. Nearly every jump forward since then, you’ve been there.”

“Me?”

“I love you, Finn,” Poe says, taking Finn’s hand in his to lift it to his lips. “I know you’ve only known me for a few weeks now, but I’ve known you practically my whole life and I fell head over heels for you a long time ago. If I had to put an age on it, I’d say that when I was eighteen, I had a pretty good idea what I was getting myself into.”

Finn still doesn’t look like he believes him, but he’s also not asking Poe to leave. Still, Poe knows he needs to dial it down because he really can’t force Finn to fall in love with him just because Poe got there first.

For that matter, Finn doesn’t exactly look entirely sure. Maybe it’s Poe telling him about his strange new talents or maybe he doesn’t feel the same, but Finn takes a small step back and in such a small motion, Poe can feel his heart splinter slightly.

He frowns, though, and his hand goes to his arm as he remembers a moment eleven years ago, finding Rey and Finn in a hallway and kissing Finn into a confession that Finn wants _him_.

It means that he needs to give Finn some space and time.

“I owe you some room to think,” he says. “I’m pretty sure that’s the least I can do after dropping a love confession on your lap.”

“Thank you,” Finn says, emphatically.

“It’s no problem,” Poe promises, squeezing Finn’s shoulder and feeling the weight come off his chest. Two weeks, he thinks, and he gets to look forward to a kiss like the one he’s been dreaming about for eleven years.

* * *

This is a short visit. He’s gone forward, but not very far, seeing as Jess bundles him up and pats him on the back with a grin and a wink, teasing him about wandering the base so naked when his boyfriend might take issue when she knows perfectly well that Poe only wishes Finn were his boyfriend and that they’re still in the midst of that two-week period while Finn works out his feelings. Then, he’s back in the room he’s been sharing with Finn, gasping and scrambling for clothes. It’s only when Finn comes back into the room, panting, that Poe worries something might be going on.

“What? What is it?”

“You…” Finn points out to the hallway. “I literally just saw you with Jess. I swear, you were naked and…”

Poe grins wryly, looking up from his journal and where he’s amassing his tattoo kit. “Past self. I told you I couldn’t control it, but this one was just a hop.” He stares at his arm, frowning. “Not even sure I should bother with the ink for that one.”

“So you’re here and you’re there. That you out there is the one from the past, but you’re the future Poe. Which one is going to stick around?”

Poe points to himself. “I can’t jump anywhere permanently,” he explains. “No matter where I go, no matter for how long, I always have to jump back.” _Unless something happens that makes it impossible to jump, like a person’s heart stopping_ , but he doesn’t say that because he doesn’t want Finn to realize that’s already happened in their timeline. “Do you believe me now?”

“You’re incredible,” Finn says, eyes wide with wonder.

“I mean, I try,” he boasts, unable to keep the ego down. “My mother was like me. I’m pretty sure if I had kids, I’d pass it along to them, too.”

Finn’s searching his face and for a brief moment of hope, Poe wonders if maybe he’s going to change the timeline and Finn will kiss him before the two weeks are up. He wonders if he can change time like that and if he can, whether that far-off awful event looming in the future can be averted.

Except then Finn just shakes his head while he smiles fondly at Poe. “And to think I thought the Jedi were the coolest thing in the universe. You, Poe Dameron, could put them to shame.” He leaves, then, out to the mess hall for lunch and the timeline sits unchanged. 

It means within a few days, Finn’s coming back for him because he knows he wants Poe.

It also means that whatever future event is going to happen on Jakku _is_ going to happen.

* * *

Poe doesn’t even realize the two weeks are up until suddenly Finn is pinning him to the bed, wrists above his head, and Poe is left squirming under him. “I take it you just had a visit from twenty-one year old me?”

“God, you were a little shit.”

“Yeah,” Poe agrees with a laugh, bright and relieved and joyful. “But I’m pretty sure you owe me a kiss.”

“Yeah,” Finn agrees.

It’s a sweeter kiss than Poe’s been building up in his head for over a decade (and more frequently in the last few months). It’s like Finn is pouring out all his need and affection into this one kiss while his fingers brush reverently at Poe’s cheek, keeping him close at hand.

When it’s over, Poe’s cheeks are flushed red and Finn is staring down at him like he can’t exactly believe what’s happening.

“Good?” Poe asks.

“Let’s try again, just to make sure.”

* * *

In the middle of the night when Finn is shifting from lingering back pain that won’t go away (despite the fact it’s nearly been a year), Poe feels himself slipping away. Before he knows it, he’s jumped and this time, it’s back. He’s so far back that he can’t even place himself. There’s chaos in front of him – troopers burning down a village and ransacking the homes, dragging out whatever children they can find.

Poe’s heart goes icy cold when he realizes where he is.

“Mom!” cries the little boy whose eyes can’t be kind because they’re terrified. Finn, so small and vulnerable, can’t be older than three, reaching his tiny fingers out for his parents as he’s dragged away from them by troopers. “Dad!”

The troopers shoot them, their bodies crumpled on the ground, and Poe knows he can’t interfere in this moment no matter how badly he wants to. Finn needs to grow up in order to become the man who helps him escape. This has to happen. And yet, Poe doesn’t understand why he has to come back here and watch this.

Poe hates feeling this helpless and watching the man he loves being torn away from his loving family makes him ache in a way he never has before. He stands there on the edge of the chaos, unable to do anything but hide his naked self and watch. He’s crying at how helpless he feels, he’s crying for Finn, and he resolves to hold his boyfriend that much tighter when he gets back.

He knows that he’s probably not going to tell Finn any of this, because how do you tell your new boyfriend that you’ve gone back and watched the exact moment his freedom had been stolen away from him?

Poe’s never been so grateful to jump out of a situation than he is when he feels himself tugged away, his trip shorter than any he’s taken in year.

He doesn’t end up back with Finn, though. He’s gone forward. He’s standing in a familiar bathroom in a familiar cabin, watching his older self dye his hair with only the mirror to guide him. Poe doesn’t usually visit himself without Finn there and the rareness of the occasion makes him wary.

“What are you doing?” Poe asks, tears still staining his dust-covered cheeks from the whirling winds on a war-torn planet, his chest aching yet after watching Finn being taken from his parents.

His older self glances at him over his shoulder, but continues with his work. “I remember this,” the other Poe says. “Unfortunately, you need to know this so you remember the date this happens. The first day of spring on Yavin 4,” he says. “When you’re fifty-one. That’s the day, Poe. _The_ day.”

His stomach sinks when he does the math and figures out how many years he has left.

“That’s why he thought I was dead. He saw me go down with the ship…” Poe trails off, feeling sick. “How do you know it’s today?”

“I didn’t until this morning,” his older self admits. “When Finn told me that he could’ve sworn that when he pulled our jacket from the wreckage, he caught a glimpse of a tattoo. One with a timeline that doesn’t go past today.”

“He could be wrong,” Poe insists stubbornly.

“We have to go back, Poe,” his older self says quietly. “If we don’t go to Jakku and retrieve the map, Rey never gets to Luke. If we don’t go back and do this, Finn never defects.”

Poe’s heart already aches from seeing Finn separated from his parents and now he’s being asked to accept the fact that if he wants things to work out, he needs to go back and his life is going to end. He has to make this sacrifice in order to guarantee his own happiness.

“Get out of there, then,” he says stubbornly. “Eject faster. Get _out_ of there.”

They both know it doesn’t work like that. There’s a whole timeline that stretches out in front of Poe and Finn’s life from the moment of that crash and Poe’s living it right now. If his future self doesn’t go back and do what has to be done, Poe will never get this life. His posture stiffens and he sets his jaw stubbornly. 

“Fifty one?” he asks, trying to sound calm.

“It’s plenty of time.”

“It’s not enough,” Poe argues.

His older self stares at him sympathetically. The way his older self holds himself reminds him of his father, but the kindness in his eyes is all Shara Bey. “It has to be.”

Poe feels like he can’t breathe. This is too much. He’s never been able to control his jumps, but he thinks at this point he’s willed himself out of here because he can’t take one more shred of bad news today. He’s so grateful to find himself back in Finn’s arms on D’Qar that he lets out a ragged cry of relief, burying his face into Finn’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Finn mumbles tiredly. “Where’d you go?”

“Away from you,” is all Poe can say, keeping his words admirably steady. “It was awful.” Look at that, he doesn’t even need to lie.

“It’s a good thing you’re back,” Finn says, tugging Poe that much closer to him as if he knows that Poe needs to be held. “I’m right here and I’m not letting go.”

As they’re falling asleep, Finn says something for the first time and Poe’s breath catches when he hears it. It’s soft and under his breath, but it’s unmistakably _I love you_ , and it’s exactly what he needs right now.

It’s the reminder that he shouldn’t let his future loom over him when he has this in his present.

“I love you too,” Poe promises.

They’re going to be all right. Poe’s going to be all right, because he’s not giving Finn up just yet. There’s plenty of time for them.

* * *

Poe doesn’t waste a single one of the years in between.

He’s seen glimpses of them in his younger years, but finds that they’re so much better from this end. He and Finn build their cabin on D’Qar and piece by piece, they turn it into a home. Poe gives Finn the key to his X-Wing and makes vows to him that he’ll be his forever. Poe jumps into the past and sees Finn when he’s younger, when he’s older, and those times that Finn looks at him like he’s seen a ghost, he wills himself to stay that much longer. One time, he even manages to stay two weeks, though he’s not sure if it’s helping or hurting by that point.

He breathes out so many ‘I love yous’ and hoards the ones he gets from Finn.

Each day brings him closer and closer to fifty-one, but they’re filled with more love and joy than he’d ever have expected. 

He plans and plans, makes sure there’s plenty of money for Finn once Poe is gone, and builds up the right contacts to make sure that he’s well cared for. He’s careful with his words, but gets promises out of Rey and Jess and plenty of their other friends that if anything ever happens to Poe, they’ll watch after Finn.

Beyond that, Poe basks in every moment they get.

He’s starting to understand that it has to be enough, because it’s all he’s been given. And the thing is? Loving Finn like this, having him every day; it’s both completely enough and not at all. Still, it’s better than never having had any of this.

* * *

“You know, it’s strange,” Finn says, stroking his fingers up and down Poe’s arm as they lie together in bed after a few rounds of some very vigorous sex, “but when I pulled your jacket from the wreckage, I could’ve sworn I saw this tattoo. It looked exactly like it looks right now.”

Poe’s whole body goes feverishly warm with panic and the epiphany that he knows what this means. He knows what today is. “Are you sure?” he lies, trying to set Finn at ease. He doesn’t want this to be a bad last day and if he tells Finn it is, he’s going to break his heart before he has to. “Maybe you’ve just seen it so many times since then that your mind’s putting it in the picture.”

“Maybe,” Finn says, still sounding unconvinced. He rolls Poe onto his back, perched above him on all fours. “Round four?”

“Please,” Poe insists, and hopes to hell that Finn doesn’t notice how tight Poe holds onto him, knowing this is going to be the last time and that when he leaves, he’s not coming back.

* * *

Poe Dameron is fifty-one years old and he’s managed to jump at the very last minute. He knows that it can’t last forever and that he’s going back to that sandy grave on Jakku, but he’s grateful that he gets this one last moment. He’s jumped backwards and he knows this moment off by heart.

It’s the moment Finn had vowed to be Poe’s. Secretly, quietly, they had done this with no papers or rings, just the two of them. It’s their marriage ceremony under the drooping blooms of the trees, the colors blooming pink and orange while the stars above sparkle in the sky. 

He doesn’t want to intrude. He knows he doesn’t have very long, but he’s so grateful that this will be his last memory. His younger self is starting a life with Finn that won’t be half as long as they want it to be, but Poe knows he’s arranged things well enough that Finn will be loved when he’s gone. He’s strong and resilient as hell and without even knowing it, he’s still going to have Poe in his life for a little while longer. 

Poe watches Finn mouth promises against his past self’s skin, bearing down on him as the fireflies light the forest skies above them. Yavin 4 is Poe’s favorite place in the galaxy and Finn is his favorite person.

Having both of those things for his last moment is more than he could’ve ever asked for.

He feels himself being pulled away from it, like something across the galaxy is tugging on a rope hooked onto his soul. He knows this may be the end, but it’s not only that.

It’s like a circle because even though he’s going back and the end is in sight for him, it’s the beginning of Finn’s life with Poe. Doing this means he gets the nineteen years of happiness that have led him to this moment. One year with Finn would be worth it. Sometimes, Poe thinks that one _month_ would be enough.

Nineteen years? Poe will give anything for it.

Even his life.

_I love you with all my heart, Finn_ , he thinks one last time. _Take care of each other_.

He knows they will. After all, until this very moment, Poe Dameron had been living proof of a happy life together. It’s a happily ever after in some ways and it’ll have to be enough, because it’s what they get.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, [I'm on tumblr](http://andrea-lyn.tumblr.com/) and there are tissues.


End file.
